Richard Broom Photography

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The Glotspottel Dilemma

My Glotspottel has a flook in it.

What a comeabout!

A good thrust of squarreling hasn’t worked. What next?

I’ve tried spoonchamping, reemsplitting, and even, as a last resort, soditbuckling.  

All to no availiarisation.  What a clitaclysm! Complete sacriligification.

I am sitting here, de-embrecated, contratrunkulated and without tractualisation.

Serious shittitudation?  You bet!

Perhaps a reverse-colonicycle-pull-through-disectomisation is called for?

What can I say?  Who knows?

Total dyspairiation and coconsiderectitude setting in. You know how that feels.

My Glotspottel is, as I sit here, completely flooked.

The Glotspottel Dilemma - Richard Broom Photography
The Glotspottel Dilemma – Richard Broom Photography

You have to pay homage to Professor Stanley Unwin…

The Leavers

Migratory birds leaving the UK. Can you blame them? The UK Conservative Party has turned the UK into a failed state. Our services (NHS, transport, energy, schools etc. etc.) have been wrecked by the Conservative Party’s failed agenda. The UK Conservative Party has lost control of the economy. Brexit has been a disaster and desperately helpless immigrants are drowning in the English Channel. I predict a riot!

The Leavers - Richard Broom Photography
The Leavers – Richard Broom Photography

The Ukrainian Party

A bit of a party here last night for our guests from the Ukraine. A good time was had by all. Our thoughts, though, were and are very much with the people who remain in the Ukraine.

The image below represents the beginning of a deep, warm and lasting relationship between the people Scotland and the people of the Ukraine. Apart from anything else, the Scots and the Ukrainians make fine drinking partners!!!

The Ikea Shambles

For the first and last time, I visited Ikea in Southampton this afternoon. I booked a ‘click and collect’ pick-up and oh my, what an utter shambles it was. Hopeless uncommunicative staff moving at a glacial pace (if they are there at all – see the picture of the empty ‘click and collect’ room). They sent me an email telling you that my pick-up is ready and then, when you arrive, you have to wait, and wait, and wait, and wait. An so, goodbye Ikea, you will never see me again!

Ikea’s empty click and collect hall – everyone kept waiting.

The End of the Road for Adobe!

I never thought this would happen but I have just closed my Adobe Creative Cloud account. Frankly, Adobe are charging too much, too often. I’ve been an Adobe customer for over 20 years. I have moved to products (Affinity, Apple, ACDSee) that do not charge me monthly for their products.

And so, so long Adobe. When you charge more reasonably, I might return as a customer but, for now, you’ve lost me.

The End of the Road for Adobe! – Richard Broom Photography

The sound of rain in Banff, Aberdeenshire and feeding the really bad audio habit (new Zoom F6)

Join me as I sit and listen to the rain hitting our sun lounge roof. You might hear the odd seagull and my iPhone going ‘ding’.

After waiting for many months, my new Zoom F6 sound recorder has arrived and the raindrops falling just outside my office window are the first recordings I have made on the Zoom 6. Float 32 recording – magical. This all feeds in to my shocking audio habit…

First comment. The F6 will be tricky with anyone with fat fingers!

The Sound of Rain (Banff, Aberdeenshire) – Richard Broom Photography

The Sound of Rain in Banff Aberdeenshire - Richard Broom Photography
The Sound of Rain in Banff Aberdeenshire – Richard Broom Photography

The Airport – Aberdeen International Airport, Scotland

Join me in the departure lounge at Aberdeen International Airport in Scotland as passengers get ready to board a British Airways flight to London. Aberdeen International Airport is a cosy, friendly but small regional airport. Friendly staff, and not at all like some of the UK’s bigger airports (Birmingham, Luton) which, it could be argued, should be avoided. I travelled via Birmingham Airport this week and met with some deeply impolite and unfriendly Logan Air ground staff at check-in. Not quite the friendly Scottish welcome I was expecting. A disappointing response. Get your act together Logan Air!!!

The Airport – Aberdeen International Airport, Scotland
The Airport - Aberdeen International Airport, Scotland - Richard Broom Photography
The Airport – Aberdeen International Airport, Scotland – Richard Broom Photography

The Man in the White Suit (best ever sound effect)

About 300 years ago when I was young and good-looking, I used to take every opportunity to watch the 1951 Ealing Studios film, ‘The Man in the White Suit’ (1951) staring Alec Guiness. No video recorders or DVDs in those days. One of the main reasons I liked the film was because of the fabulous sound effect used in the film (unmistakable if you know the film).

And so, I made my own version of the sound effect which I combined with the original – you can hear in the clip below. After that, you can hear the ‘White Suit Man’ sound effect I created (a tribute to the original sound effect!) on its own.

I created my White Suit Man sound effect on my Native Instruments Machine.

Here’s the original sound effect + mine. Then, below that, my creation.

The Man in the White Suit (best ever sound effect)

And here’s my version of the sound effect on its own (image courtesy of IMBD)

Calling Poland – Ukrainian Crisis

I see people from Poland are looking at my blog (from Flag Counter)

Like thousands of other people in the United Kingdom, we are offering the spare room of our house to refugees from the Ukraine. Our British Government is moving at a very slow pace and, until we can identify a refugee from the Ukraine in Poland (or any country near to the Ukraine), we cannot start arranging travel for these people. In fact, I feel ashamed to be British when I see what Boris Johnson is failing to do (all talk, no action and lies, lies, lies).

And so, if you are in Poland and if you can put us in touch with an agency/NGO who is trying to find accommodation for refugees in the UK (Scotland), then please send me an email at and we will do our best. We have one spare bedroom, it would suit mother/child or older couple (senior citizens?). Naturally, we would NOT be charging rent for the use of our room. We want to help.

The Woodpecker (and others)

Join us on this morning’s dog walk and listen to the sound of a woodpecker (and other birds) as we walk through the woods near to our home in Banff, Scotland.

Today, for the first time, I used two microphones on my parabolic microphone. Stay tuned for sounds of a stream that runs through the woods. The second mic on the parabolic microphone makes quite a difference – much richer soundscapes. I processed the sound in Adobe Audition to try and limit the wind noise. The wind rushing through the tree tops create quite a lot of background noise…

You can buy a parabolic microphone from this company.

The Woodpecker (and others)
The Woodpecker (and others) – Richard Broom Photography

The other people who will need our support…

The other people who will need our support…

Take a look:

When people like this chap return to the UK, they could face being charged with a criminal offence by our Government. At that time, we need to support these men and women who are, in my view, heroes. We need to be ready for the actions of an uncaring government and people like that awful woman Priti Patel.

If you are in the UK, please circulate this post widely. These brave people (and their families) need our support now and will certainly need it in the future.

The Babbling Brook in Scotland

Join me and listen to the sound of a babbling brook near to Duff House, Banff, Aberdeenshire, Scotland.

The sound was recording using a parabolic mic system manufactured by the Parabolic Microphone Company.

This was my first attempt at recording using the ‘para-mic.’ The gentle sounds of a small stream running through the woods.

More sounds to come!

The Babbling Brook in Scotland
The Babbling Brook in Scotland – Richard Broom Photography

The Parabolic Microphone

A new microphone system!

I have purchased a parabolic microphone from the Parabolic Microphone Company.

Today was the first day I ventured out into the woods with the ‘para-mic’ to test it out – results below.

Briefly, the parabolic microphone is a directional mic. Basically, point it at a sound source and press the record button (listen to the babbling brook recording above).

On this first try out down in the woods close to Duff House, I forgot to put the ‘wind condom’ on the dish (second image below) and so I picked up quite a bit of wind noise. Moreover, there was a gentle but steady wind through the trees in the wood and that gave me a small amount of background noise which I’ve managed to reduce in post-processing using Adobe Audition.

I used my Zoom H6 to record the sound. I’m still waiting for my Zoom F6 to arrive.

The first recordings will be coming up shortly. Please stay tuned.

The Parabolic Microphone
The Parabolic mic (without wind sock) – Richard Broom Photography
The parabolic mic with the wind ‘condom’ attached – Richard Broom Photography

The Sound Recorders

Here are two remarkable people who record sounds out there in the real world. I always feel that my dull images and videos could be spiced up with sound and that I should be recording more sound. These two people are my inspiration! Also interesting to see how much you can earn when you run a YouTube Channel.

You can find these remarkable folks and buy their recordings here: Their Youtube Channel is here:

The Castle

Findlater Castle, Aberdeenshire, Scotland. Built in the 1400s, abandoned in the 1600s. One owner, Sir John Gordon, fell out with Mary Queen of Scots and she had his head chopped off (I bet that hurt). Later, Queen Elizabeth 1 of England did to Mary Queen of Scots what Mary did to Sir John Gordon. It surely didn’t pay to upset people way back then! Off with their heads! Ouch!

The Castle – Richard Broom Photography

The Oops Moment…

My wife asked me to order two new broom handles online and, being the obliging, highly obedient, house-trained and dutiful husband I am, I did as I was told (is there any other alternative?). The image shows what arrived in the post this morning. I think, perhaps, I got my measurements wrong. If anyone can think of a use for two very short bits of stick, please let me know.

The Oops Moment – Richard Broom Photography

The QRM from John’s radio…

Okay. I lied about the last blog post of the year (previous post).

But, if Boris ‘pilllock‘ Johnson can lie to the world repeatedly, then so can I!!!

If you look at John’s blog post (please click here), you’ll see he’s getting QRM on 540 Khz. QRM is radio-speak for interference or, maybe, jamming.

John is in Las Vegas and I’m in Scotland and so, I tuned to 540 Khz on my radio to see what I would receive here on the fashionable side of the North Atlantic. And what I get on 540 Khz is a station broadcasting in a language I do not recognise. Please take a listen to the video below. If anyone knows the cause of John’s interference (I wonder about his ceiling fan!), or the language recorded in my video below, please do let us know.

Happy New Year again. This might really be my past blog post of 2020. Let’s hope for a wonderful 2021.

STOP PRESS. I just found this.

The Actor – Iona Reid – NEW PODCAST!

Please listen in to our most recent Banff Spy podcast featuring Iona Reid who is a young, up and coming actress based in Turriff in North East Scotland.

You can listen to Iona talking about acting and acting training by clicking on this link.

Please check out our Banff Spy website by clicking here.

And he’s a photograph of Iona who is also the Banff Spy Podcast Producer:

Iona Reid
Iona overlooking Banff and the River Deveron - Aberdeenshire
Iona overlooking Banff and the River Deveron – Aberdeenshire

The Morse Code

You might think that Morse code had died out long ago. Here’s a recording of what is known as a ‘pile up.’ About 11 seconds into the recording, you’ll hear Radio Amateur enthusiasts around the world trying to make contact with one person who has a rare callsign. Radio Amateurs record the contacts (AKA QSOs) with other Radio Amateurs around the world and collect contacts like other people collect rare stamps. The Morse code is alive and well!

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The Banff Spy Podcast (Segment 1)

I bet you weren’t expecting this!! Now you get to listen to me and my wonderful colleagues!

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